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14/08/2023 22:13:53
Monogamy: is it still possible to be exclusive?
Here is an article published in Vogue, which logically should arouse great interest. Here it is copied in full. The numbers don’t lie. Spain has notably proven this with a new survey by its Sociological Research Center (CIS). She thus concluded that 47% of her population would agree or completely agree with the fact that a person can have "two or more emotional and/or sexual relationships at the same time". An unexpected commitment in favor of ethical non-monogamy, which however has its explanation. Over the last decade, new models of relationships have appeared in the media, culture, but also in politics. “We are starting to consider new ways of building a relationship outside of monogamy,” explains sexologist Juncal Martínez de las Heras. The expert also believes that it is now possible to agree on how the relationship will work while it is being built. "It is increasingly common to consider each other’s wants and needs, while setting boundaries. A couple is a two-person project in which the people involved want to spend time together and share some intimacy, but the presuppositions must stop there,” she explains. It is therefore an honest and constructive way of creating bonds, which allows us to try other models of affection and sexuality. The latter are not so far from those who have always existed, only today they are no longer hidden. Both advantages and disadvantages. In this new era, there are multiple possible relationships, because they are established according to the desires of the people involved: from a free relationship in which other people occasionally intervene to different forms of polyamory. This opens the door to new ways of relating that can be very satisfying and enriching, although they also involve significant challenges. “The social and cultural structure in which we live is not yet adapted to these forms, although they are increasingly accepted and visible,” explains psychologist Ana Lombardía. For his part, sexologist Bruno Martínez considers that members of non-monogamous relationships are exposed to a form of stigma and social pressure. "These factors can transform the relationship experience into something complicated and, sometimes, difficult. In addition, time management becomes more complex. If it is already difficult to manage it in an exclusive relationship, when you have one many, it can become very stressful: today, time is a rare resource and distributing it satisfactorily between several people is a real challenge. So, although exclusivity is gradually becoming obsolete and restrictive in the eyes of a large part of the population, it is important to point out that these new models are not easy either. "Its not always easy. I would never recommend this option to a couple in crisis", admits the sexologist, specialist in couples therapy. “It is a difficult choice, which requires great listening and management skills. Furthermore, there will be always ups and downs at the beginning of the relationship, but if it is a decision made together, and if there is attention and tenderness, it is entirely possible to manage the lack of self-confidence and disagreements until everyone finds their own,” he says “In every erotic encounter, there is affection” New ways of dating are emerging at a time. where social networks and hyperconnectivity allow us to meet new people every day. This is why relationships have become more fluid than in the past "I don’t think that applications have favored the emergence of new types of relationships. , but rather that they gave us the possibility of passing from one person to another, leaving little time for celibacy or mourning", underlines the expert. The sexologist also refutes the separation between sex with feelings and sex without feelings. “In every erotic encounter, there is affection. This does not mean that we fall in love: during a relationship, we feel all kinds of emotions. But the idea of the erotic encounter as something sanitized is very naive, because we will always feel something for the person we sleep with. In a certain sense, separating sex from emotion reveals that we see sex as something dirty, while emotion is pure and noble", insists Bruno Martínez. However, no type of relationship is better than another and everyone must choose what suits them best "When we choose monogamy, we give up some of the positive aspects of open relationships, and vice versa. Some prefer to maintain a monogamous relationship for practical reasons (society is perfectly adapted to this model), emotional or even ideological reasons", summarizes Ana Lombardía. The main thing is to really be able to choose and dialogue: and it seems that, in this area, we have made a lot of progress Translation by Julie Rodhon.
 

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